Have you ever been driving somewhere, and suddenly realize that you are going the wrong way? Or a bad feeling arises from the pit of your stomach that something is off? Perhaps you start looking around because you haven't been there and you think it's interesting. Maybe it's one of those rare days where it doesn't really matter if you make it to your destination anyway. So you keep going-- because you know that you can always just turn around, maybe. You keep going, twisting and turning down frayed country roads, wondering if you are going to get somewhere that you recognize. It makes you nervous, but a good nervous. Sometimes you see things that make you appreciate your life, things that are frightening, sad or tragic. At other times you see things that make you a little envious. You get utterly absorbed in your adventure and have no sense of what's right or wrong, you are enjoying the journey. At some point you realize that you probably need to get back on track, and you start thinking of ways you can get there. All along the way are signs, clues as to whether or not you are on the right path. You start to wonder if this little unplanned adventure was all part of some cosmic lesson of some sort, because when you finally make your way to a place of recognition, you feel as if you've discovered something.  The hand painted sign, the old man with a crooked smile, or the dog chained out in the back yard left an impression on your soul.


That's how I feel about being single. The tricky thing is, often when you are in the journey, you do not know what stage you are in. Sometimes you are ready to get back to your plan but life has a few more stops, sights and curves to reveal before you can get there. Sometimes the signs are confusing. You think they mean one thing but they really meant something else. Sometimes you feel anxious, lost and confused. Your sheets are cold and popcorn and movies feels lopsided. Other times you thank your lucky stars that you don't have a significant other mentioning your ass is getting fat or ruining your Teflon pans. But mostly what I miss is making memories with someone, the good ones and the bad ones.


Sure I can be alone, independent, and have everything my way. It's easier that way. I don't need to be with anyone, but I want to be with someone. Not just anyone, the right someone. It has to be someone who can meet me on my levels, all or most. That's a pretty tall order. Not because I am so much better than most, but because I recognize there is nothing cookie cutter about me. My individuality is a defining characteristic of me. I know the average Joe not only doesn't get me, but also lacks wanting to. Relationships are so very earthbound for many but what I am seeking is nothing at all earthbound. So I continue on this road, maybe I will be on it forever, maybe not. I guess I will never know, until I know.