Heart shaped quicksand
I fell straight through.
Squeezed were the futile efforts of failing limbs
to grasp for any tangible lifeline.
So intense the suffocation.
Succumbed, relaxed
as you filled my lungs.
I savor your sand on my skin
The Intoxicating smell of earth and sweat engulfed my nostrils.
The loveliness of the experience
burned blinding grit into my eyes.
The gravity of free fall - delicious.
I woke up on the other side of love,
somewhere between caution and delirium
Covered in the afterbirth of your microorganisms,
imprinted upon me.
Sunbathing in the minutia of your being,
following the breadcrumbs of ecstasy,
I search for you, but you are gone.
Tasting lemon-drop realization,
I already knew the ending,
I wouldn't make it out of this trip with my heart.
I wouldn't be the same when I returned.
When we get to the point in the evolution of our consciousness whereby we recognize life is a matrix, hologram, illusion that I refer to as the "physical" interesting things begin to happen. One of which is trying to reconcile what exactly is the point of all of this if we now know it's an illusion? That's the point. We came to experience this, we chose this. We choose the levels, the players, the tools, and the assets that make up this experience. The tendency then becomes not to understand the universe but ourselves and why did we choose this -- what did I need to experience this part of the game for? Typically, this occurs when something we don't like happens.
Some might say, you were vibrating and attracting and you drew it to you. I don't disagree however, that now sounds much like blame. Along the lines of why did I draw this to me? Again, this is okay as long as you do not blame yourself. Take it another step. When you made some of these choices you were creating unconsciously and some of those choices are still playing out. Then, some of the choices you won't really understand completely sometimes because that's the fun of the game! We don't want to skip to the end and read that final chapter, which would be so dull. What fun would life be for us without some sort of contrast to shake us up? We already get high just breathing air; we recognize that we are truly separate from nothing, what else is there to get worked up about? Ourselves. Our contrasting experiences. Out of contrast we have the opportunity to create, remember, discover, uncover, excavate.
Rather than to think there is something wrong with us, our thoughts, our vibrations, our manifesting, perhaps it is wise to remember that WE ARE DIVINE and that even when our choices feel painful, we chose this, and therefore it's part is helpful and useful to us even when we can't see how. Trust yourself. That's what we came here for -- to experience life in its sweet and rotten parts. It is both pleasure and pain, especially pain that gives birth to the cathartic process of creation. This is true of artists, poets and musicians but it's also true of anyone. Pain can spur change. Perhaps we can get to the point whereby we start to appreciate turmoil, as this is an opportunity to prove to ourselves how much grace and power we truly have.
Then the fun begins. We now know all of these illusions we can use to help us in this board game. Oh - you want a new car, great let's manifest this illusion. When we make a choice and we don't like the results we know we can just make another choice, and keep making choices until we have peace with those choices. Oh - you like the car but don't like that car payment, well let's go with a different illusion, one that matches your desires.
So the next time you think something is wrong with your manifesting just mindfully shift your thought patterns to "I know it feels wrong now, but the divine in me always chooses right." Namaste
Some might say, you were vibrating and attracting and you drew it to you. I don't disagree however, that now sounds much like blame. Along the lines of why did I draw this to me? Again, this is okay as long as you do not blame yourself. Take it another step. When you made some of these choices you were creating unconsciously and some of those choices are still playing out. Then, some of the choices you won't really understand completely sometimes because that's the fun of the game! We don't want to skip to the end and read that final chapter, which would be so dull. What fun would life be for us without some sort of contrast to shake us up? We already get high just breathing air; we recognize that we are truly separate from nothing, what else is there to get worked up about? Ourselves. Our contrasting experiences. Out of contrast we have the opportunity to create, remember, discover, uncover, excavate.
Rather than to think there is something wrong with us, our thoughts, our vibrations, our manifesting, perhaps it is wise to remember that WE ARE DIVINE and that even when our choices feel painful, we chose this, and therefore it's part is helpful and useful to us even when we can't see how. Trust yourself. That's what we came here for -- to experience life in its sweet and rotten parts. It is both pleasure and pain, especially pain that gives birth to the cathartic process of creation. This is true of artists, poets and musicians but it's also true of anyone. Pain can spur change. Perhaps we can get to the point whereby we start to appreciate turmoil, as this is an opportunity to prove to ourselves how much grace and power we truly have.
Then the fun begins. We now know all of these illusions we can use to help us in this board game. Oh - you want a new car, great let's manifest this illusion. When we make a choice and we don't like the results we know we can just make another choice, and keep making choices until we have peace with those choices. Oh - you like the car but don't like that car payment, well let's go with a different illusion, one that matches your desires.
So the next time you think something is wrong with your manifesting just mindfully shift your thought patterns to "I know it feels wrong now, but the divine in me always chooses right." Namaste
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Think of your favorite salad. What’s your favorite ingredient? Some love tomatoes, others like carrots, it doesn’t really matter. What’s important is that the salad has variety, it’s interesting, it can change in endless ways, and each part can be enjoyed alone, a slice of garden ripe tomato with a dash of salt is a simple pleasure.
Much like a salad we all have our own unique and delicious properties that we can and do bring to world. Some people like us, some do not, and it’s nothing personal. There’s nothing wrong with the onion, just because it is unlike lettuce, they are simply different. There is nothing wrong with you because you cannot do, say or be something others are. There is nothing wrong with others because they are unlike you. One is no better or worse than another.
If a mushroom could talk, would it complain about it being a fungus? It would be ridiculous for it to complain about who it is or try to fix itself, for it is loved by so many for just being itself. Likewise it would be insane to complain at the mushroom for being fungus and not like a pepper. The things that makes a salads enjoyable is it’s variety of flavors, textures, colors and sensations when eaten together. The things that make us beautiful is that we are all different and have our own unique traits to being to the salad bowl of life. We have friends, family and loved ones that make up for what we are not. We are NOT lacking anything. What you think you need, or are deficient in, look around you, I promise someone has it and is willing to share.
But we are so much more complicated than vegetables. Are we? Do we need to be? Isn’t what is wrong with us also what makes us who we are? Indeed. In order to know light one must know dark. One cannot know how to be loving and compassionate without having gone through pain. One cannot court the muse of creativity without mourning her departure. Likewise god/the universe blew itself up so it could become many fragments, so it could experience and know itself. We are all these particles of the universe clumping together and reminding each other of that which we are, as individuals and as a whole. I see infinite traits, characteristics and possibilities when I scan the faces of my beloved and it brings me such joy.
That is not to say we cannot aspire to be better. It is not to say that we cannot admire and emulate that which we believe serves our higher purpose. Self improvement is always good as long as you are not trying to be something you are not, and making yourself miserable in the proccess. It simply means that you are prefect because you are you, being you. You are a perfect work in progress. If you were truly perfect and whole, you wouldn’t be here on earth having this human experience.
So when you do experience that makes you feel angry, embarrassed, ashamed, hurt, deficient, lonely, sad, bored, or other negative emotions as a result of what you think you lack, remember -- this is why you are not alone. This is an opportunity for divine grace to show up to heal you in the form of a friend when you are in need. You bring something to this world that others do not. Embrace YOU because you are the only one of you that will ever be, and you have something to ad to this salad that no one else does. Live it. Be grateful for you and only you can contribute your part to this delicious cosmic salad. Enjoy!
Much like a salad we all have our own unique and delicious properties that we can and do bring to world. Some people like us, some do not, and it’s nothing personal. There’s nothing wrong with the onion, just because it is unlike lettuce, they are simply different. There is nothing wrong with you because you cannot do, say or be something others are. There is nothing wrong with others because they are unlike you. One is no better or worse than another.
If a mushroom could talk, would it complain about it being a fungus? It would be ridiculous for it to complain about who it is or try to fix itself, for it is loved by so many for just being itself. Likewise it would be insane to complain at the mushroom for being fungus and not like a pepper. The things that makes a salads enjoyable is it’s variety of flavors, textures, colors and sensations when eaten together. The things that make us beautiful is that we are all different and have our own unique traits to being to the salad bowl of life. We have friends, family and loved ones that make up for what we are not. We are NOT lacking anything. What you think you need, or are deficient in, look around you, I promise someone has it and is willing to share.
But we are so much more complicated than vegetables. Are we? Do we need to be? Isn’t what is wrong with us also what makes us who we are? Indeed. In order to know light one must know dark. One cannot know how to be loving and compassionate without having gone through pain. One cannot court the muse of creativity without mourning her departure. Likewise god/the universe blew itself up so it could become many fragments, so it could experience and know itself. We are all these particles of the universe clumping together and reminding each other of that which we are, as individuals and as a whole. I see infinite traits, characteristics and possibilities when I scan the faces of my beloved and it brings me such joy.
That is not to say we cannot aspire to be better. It is not to say that we cannot admire and emulate that which we believe serves our higher purpose. Self improvement is always good as long as you are not trying to be something you are not, and making yourself miserable in the proccess. It simply means that you are prefect because you are you, being you. You are a perfect work in progress. If you were truly perfect and whole, you wouldn’t be here on earth having this human experience.
So when you do experience that makes you feel angry, embarrassed, ashamed, hurt, deficient, lonely, sad, bored, or other negative emotions as a result of what you think you lack, remember -- this is why you are not alone. This is an opportunity for divine grace to show up to heal you in the form of a friend when you are in need. You bring something to this world that others do not. Embrace YOU because you are the only one of you that will ever be, and you have something to ad to this salad that no one else does. Live it. Be grateful for you and only you can contribute your part to this delicious cosmic salad. Enjoy!
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Deeper I go
While many stay shallow
Their faces betray fears
"Hey - join me! The water is safe out here in the deep!
It's all in the mind,
All in the mind."
Shedding fears
Challenging tears,
Erasing years
Puzzling Peers.
I am skinny dipping alone
Feeling the loveliness of being one with the water
I once feared,
And now I couldn't be without.
If it weren't for my human being
I would stay in.
Nevertheless physical matter beckons me from the shore
Just five more minutes.
I live to go deep
Deeper into the dark, mysterious waters
For the simple pleasure
Of reminding myself that I no longer fear
And the joy of the experience.
Her gentle licks on my skin
His stars in sand
They caress and hold my weightless body
I remember this IS all that there IS NOW
I remember.
When I remember,
I realize I was never alone
I just couldn't see them before
Look at all those lovely beings
Just like me,
Wait is that me or them? Both.
I see
The universe is a diamond.
And we are all facets
Reflecting our own spectrum slightly differently
Reflecting to and off each other.
This is bliss
Could it be any more beautiful than this?
I cry as my heart bursts open
and love pours from my tears.
I am more grateful now than ever
That I remember.
I can't wait to swim again
So I can remember some more.
The unknown parts of being
The only true last frontier.
While many stay shallow
Their faces betray fears
"Hey - join me! The water is safe out here in the deep!
It's all in the mind,
All in the mind."
Shedding fears
Challenging tears,
Erasing years
Puzzling Peers.
I am skinny dipping alone
Feeling the loveliness of being one with the water
I once feared,
And now I couldn't be without.
If it weren't for my human being
I would stay in.
Nevertheless physical matter beckons me from the shore
Just five more minutes.
I live to go deep
Deeper into the dark, mysterious waters
For the simple pleasure
Of reminding myself that I no longer fear
And the joy of the experience.
Her gentle licks on my skin
His stars in sand
They caress and hold my weightless body
I remember this IS all that there IS NOW
I remember.
When I remember,
I realize I was never alone
I just couldn't see them before
Look at all those lovely beings
Just like me,
Wait is that me or them? Both.
I see
The universe is a diamond.
And we are all facets
Reflecting our own spectrum slightly differently
Reflecting to and off each other.
This is bliss
Could it be any more beautiful than this?
I cry as my heart bursts open
and love pours from my tears.
I am more grateful now than ever
That I remember.
I can't wait to swim again
So I can remember some more.
The unknown parts of being
The only true last frontier.
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It's easy to focus on what's missing, it's natural. Pain is a sign that something is wrong, naturally it produces discomfort, which then causes change. If we step back and look at what is right, it's possible to appreciate how much more is right than wrong within our lives. I was pondering the true meaning of the word rich, which I also equate to abundance. I've realized that I am rich in nearly all areas of life. I bet you are too, maybe you don't even realize it. It is interesting when we say someone is "rich" we usually mean monetarily prosperous. By definition if we determine that we are rich in more areas than not, we are indeed rich. Here is how Merriam-Webster defines rich and abundance:
rich adj \ˈrich\
1 : having abundant possessions and especially material wealth
2 a : having high value or quality b : well supplied or endowed rich in traditions>
3 : magnificently impressive : sumptuous
4 : a : vivid and deep in color rich red>b : full and mellow in tone and quality rich voice>c : having a strong fragrance rich perfumes>
5 : highly productive or remunerative rich mine>
6 a : having abundant plant nutrients rich soil>b : highly seasoned, fatty, oily, or sweet rich foods>c : high in the combustible component rich fuel mixture>d : high in some componentrich foods>
7 a : entertaining; also : laughableb : meaningful, significant rich allusions>c : lush rich meadows>
8 : pure or nearly pure rich lime>
abun·dance noun \ə-ˈbən-dən(t)s\
1 : an ample quantity : profusion
2 : affluence, wealth
3 : relative degree of plentifulnessabundances of uranium and thorium — H. C. Urey>
Here are the ways I am rich:
My spirit is loving, compassionate, accepting, forgiving, courageous, peaceful, generous, strong, allowing, positive, joyous, reverent, expanding and growing. I am grateful for this spirit which allows me to fully appreciate this beautiful journey called life.
My mind is open, creative, rich in knowledge, active thought and curious. I am grateful for this mind that assists me in the understanding the unfolding of life and all of it's wonders.
My body is healthy, beautiful, radiant and strong. Although I don't always understand the nature of my physical short comings, I accept that it allows me to have contrast, which inspires me to change, create and expand my life in new areas.
My family. I have many different types of people in my family, some of them are beautiful, strong, independent women who I have learned much from; others are very different. Creating harmonious relationships within a diverse family of loved ones, has taught me to love people for who they are, and not who I wish they were. It has also taught me when to walk away when harmony is out of reach. I am grateful for these learning experience with family.
My friends. My friends are some of the most awesome people in the universe, that I am certain. My friends are loving, accepting, intelligent, respectful, gracious, creators who I have chosen to allow into my inner circle because I respect and appreciate their souls especially; and they have allowed me to love them. They have taught me wonderful things. I am so grateful for the quality of my friendships.
(Tagged, I'm talking about you. Feel free to remove this if you're shy.)
My pets. They are beautiful manifestations of pure love. I am grateful for their companionship and the healing relationship that they offer to me and I am happy to be able to care for them.
My world. The more scientists explore the earth the more they learn that Earth is unique. The earth has terrain that is vastly different from one place to another with extreme variations in everything from temperatures, altitudes, vegetation, animals, people, minerals and water supplies. The earth embodies and amplifies what is true about our human conditions. There are volcanoes, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, fires and storms and yet she always restores back to perfect balance. With all trauma that occurs with earth, good things come of it. This is true of our lives, our bodes and our spirits. I am grateful for the learning experience that earth offers. I am grateful for all of her resources: shelter, food, water, materials- beings both sentient and non-sentient. Earth is a beautiful place to play. I am grateful for this life.
Have you realized and appreciated how rich your life is?
Yes I wrote this, feel free to share it if you'd like and replace what you are grateful for in your own words.
rich adj \ˈrich\
1 : having abundant possessions and especially material wealth
2 a : having high value or quality b : well supplied or endowed rich in traditions>
3 : magnificently impressive : sumptuous
4 : a : vivid and deep in color rich red>b : full and mellow in tone and quality rich voice>c : having a strong fragrance rich perfumes>
5 : highly productive or remunerative rich mine>
6 a : having abundant plant nutrients rich soil>b : highly seasoned, fatty, oily, or sweet rich foods>c : high in the combustible component rich fuel mixture>d : high in some component
7 a : entertaining; also : laughableb : meaningful, significant rich allusions>c : lush rich meadows>
8 : pure or nearly pure rich lime>
abun·dance noun \ə-ˈbən-dən(t)s\
1 : an ample quantity : profusion
2 : affluence, wealth
3 : relative degree of plentifulness
Here are the ways I am rich:
My spirit is loving, compassionate, accepting, forgiving, courageous, peaceful, generous, strong, allowing, positive, joyous, reverent, expanding and growing. I am grateful for this spirit which allows me to fully appreciate this beautiful journey called life.
My mind is open, creative, rich in knowledge, active thought and curious. I am grateful for this mind that assists me in the understanding the unfolding of life and all of it's wonders.
My body is healthy, beautiful, radiant and strong. Although I don't always understand the nature of my physical short comings, I accept that it allows me to have contrast, which inspires me to change, create and expand my life in new areas.
My family. I have many different types of people in my family, some of them are beautiful, strong, independent women who I have learned much from; others are very different. Creating harmonious relationships within a diverse family of loved ones, has taught me to love people for who they are, and not who I wish they were. It has also taught me when to walk away when harmony is out of reach. I am grateful for these learning experience with family.
My friends. My friends are some of the most awesome people in the universe, that I am certain. My friends are loving, accepting, intelligent, respectful, gracious, creators who I have chosen to allow into my inner circle because I respect and appreciate their souls especially; and they have allowed me to love them. They have taught me wonderful things. I am so grateful for the quality of my friendships.
(Tagged, I'm talking about you. Feel free to remove this if you're shy.)
My pets. They are beautiful manifestations of pure love. I am grateful for their companionship and the healing relationship that they offer to me and I am happy to be able to care for them.
My world. The more scientists explore the earth the more they learn that Earth is unique. The earth has terrain that is vastly different from one place to another with extreme variations in everything from temperatures, altitudes, vegetation, animals, people, minerals and water supplies. The earth embodies and amplifies what is true about our human conditions. There are volcanoes, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, fires and storms and yet she always restores back to perfect balance. With all trauma that occurs with earth, good things come of it. This is true of our lives, our bodes and our spirits. I am grateful for the learning experience that earth offers. I am grateful for all of her resources: shelter, food, water, materials- beings both sentient and non-sentient. Earth is a beautiful place to play. I am grateful for this life.
Have you realized and appreciated how rich your life is?
Yes I wrote this, feel free to share it if you'd like and replace what you are grateful for in your own words.
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During the first attunement I just got really hot, then cold. Not much else, other than I could sense my teachers energy and it was white-yellow color, a teach/learning aura. During the second attunement I saw many different types of eyes, one at a time, looking at me, then fading to black before changing to the next. One of which was an ostrich eye.
Later we did an exercise whereby we went to our sacred space and met our Reiki guides. My sacred space was a lovely rolling landscape with lush green tall trees, grass, hills and flowers. I passed my "house" which was a old english cobblestone style home with a garden larger than the house. In the center of the garden was beautiful koi pond. Next to it -- a huge, soft, large leather barcalounger. Yep that's right, my throne!
I sat in my throne to meet my guides. The first one was this very dark skinned tribal man with a painted face and rods through his nose. This person looks to be most like a man of the Melpa tribe from New Guinea. I am not sure if this photo is the Melpa tribe though it is very close to what I saw. I did a little research of the Melpa tribe:
"Ghosts of dead family and clan members are the focal point of non-Christian religious practice among the Melpa. Pig sacrifices are made to keep these ghosts happy. These sacrifices are made when illness occurs within the village or before any dangerous task begins. The Melpa have religious experts who are responsible for curing the sick and act as intermediaries (go-betweens) between the human world and the spirit world. Women are not allowed to be curers but can be possessed by spirits and can also foretell the future."
The next guide was visionary, a tall, slender built man with a fedora and trench coat. His eyes showed elements, like the air, water. He handed me a small hand-held crystal ball.
The next guide was the ostrich. Ostrich Totem: helps you take ethereal knowledge and apply it to everyday, practical life. However, make sure that you take the time to digest this knowledge thoroughly before using it. Ostrich can help you link to the spirit realm without getting lost in it. Meditating on its large, well-planted feet will help you ground yourself to the Earth; especially if you feel that you are becoming a little flaky or flighty.
These rest of the guides I already knew. Great Native American Grandmother was at my head, hugging me. Her long silver hair draped over my shoulders as she hugged me.
The next guides were on my right, Quan-Yin, Seth, Michael.
It was really interesting, I am excited to see what kinds of journeys my new found Reiki skills will take me to.
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I was recently asked what technique I use to ground myself. This is the technique I use, you may want to tweak it to suit what works best for you. These are also the directions to help move your spirit in alignment to spiritual ascension.
Grounding for spiritual work
Sit tall and comfortably with no distractions, or lie flat. Try to keep your posture straight. Take minute to breathe deeply, imagine these deep breaths are cleansing your body and mind of any type of energies. You intention is to become a neutral vessel.
When you have calmed down to a neutral state of being, imagine/hear that your body is emitting vibrations that sound like a fan cycle, low and rhythmic. Imagine that your fan is speeding up faster and faster to the point where it now sounds like a high pitched frequency that makes a solid noise. Imagine this noise goes higher and higher until it is inaudible. This is projecting your intention to raise your vibrational frequency.
Imagine your spinal cord growing down through your body into the earths and connecting to the core, or a tree outside, wrapping around the roots. In your mind ask the earth/tree permission to ground. You are now grounded.
Next imagine the top of your head opening up and you ask higher consciousness to connect with you. "I wish to connect with energies that only hold the intention of my souls higher purpose." It sends down a pure bright white light is coming down from the sky and runs straight through you to the core, imagine the energy always moving through you but also fills your entire body. This is projecting your intention to connect to higher consciousness. Imagine this grows outward like a bubble/force field. You are projecting your intention to become protected. Make the bubble as little or as large as you wish. You are now protected and connected to the source of higher consciousness.
Keep trying this until you feel your body is changed. You should feel a bit of light tingle, like an energy current coursing through your body. Your third eye area might become sore. If you are having trouble start over. Holding a dark grounding stone such as obsidian in one hand and a conduction element such as quarts crystal, amethyst, or copper in the other might help you connect better. By holding these stones you are projecting your intention to ground, connect and protect to the source of higher consciousness.
Grounding for protection (leaving your home)
Begin with the same process, but now imagine that you summon the archangel Michael, you say something like "I wish to connect with energies that only hold the intention of my souls higher purpose." He comes to you and you ask him for the blue cloak of protection. You slip on this robe with hood, you are now grounded and protected for leaving your home. Thank Michael and ask him if there is anything that he would like to say to you. You may want to spend some time enjoying his energy and have a conversation with him. You may want to keep a grounding stone in your pocket or purse when you leave the house for physical reminder and conscious assurance.
Once you have achieved these states you can ask your higher self to maintain these states as long as you need to or in the case of protection and grounding until you say otherwise. You can also use this technique to protect your home, car, self, office, other people, etc.
Always thank the energies that come to you. When you are finished, you can withdraw your tail from the earths core and close down your light bubble if you wish. If you do not close your circle, note that you may notice that you start to feel a little dizzy, tired, and disrupt electrical appliances and systems. That is because you are operating at a frequency that is much higher than what these systems were built with and a higher level than what your body is used to. Staying in these states will start your body and spirit into the ascension process of spiritual growth and aura development and expansion.
Love and light
Grounding for spiritual work
Sit tall and comfortably with no distractions, or lie flat. Try to keep your posture straight. Take minute to breathe deeply, imagine these deep breaths are cleansing your body and mind of any type of energies. You intention is to become a neutral vessel.
When you have calmed down to a neutral state of being, imagine/hear that your body is emitting vibrations that sound like a fan cycle, low and rhythmic. Imagine that your fan is speeding up faster and faster to the point where it now sounds like a high pitched frequency that makes a solid noise. Imagine this noise goes higher and higher until it is inaudible. This is projecting your intention to raise your vibrational frequency.
Imagine your spinal cord growing down through your body into the earths and connecting to the core, or a tree outside, wrapping around the roots. In your mind ask the earth/tree permission to ground. You are now grounded.
Next imagine the top of your head opening up and you ask higher consciousness to connect with you. "I wish to connect with energies that only hold the intention of my souls higher purpose." It sends down a pure bright white light is coming down from the sky and runs straight through you to the core, imagine the energy always moving through you but also fills your entire body. This is projecting your intention to connect to higher consciousness. Imagine this grows outward like a bubble/force field. You are projecting your intention to become protected. Make the bubble as little or as large as you wish. You are now protected and connected to the source of higher consciousness.
Keep trying this until you feel your body is changed. You should feel a bit of light tingle, like an energy current coursing through your body. Your third eye area might become sore. If you are having trouble start over. Holding a dark grounding stone such as obsidian in one hand and a conduction element such as quarts crystal, amethyst, or copper in the other might help you connect better. By holding these stones you are projecting your intention to ground, connect and protect to the source of higher consciousness.
Grounding for protection (leaving your home)
Begin with the same process, but now imagine that you summon the archangel Michael, you say something like "I wish to connect with energies that only hold the intention of my souls higher purpose." He comes to you and you ask him for the blue cloak of protection. You slip on this robe with hood, you are now grounded and protected for leaving your home. Thank Michael and ask him if there is anything that he would like to say to you. You may want to spend some time enjoying his energy and have a conversation with him. You may want to keep a grounding stone in your pocket or purse when you leave the house for physical reminder and conscious assurance.
Once you have achieved these states you can ask your higher self to maintain these states as long as you need to or in the case of protection and grounding until you say otherwise. You can also use this technique to protect your home, car, self, office, other people, etc.
Always thank the energies that come to you. When you are finished, you can withdraw your tail from the earths core and close down your light bubble if you wish. If you do not close your circle, note that you may notice that you start to feel a little dizzy, tired, and disrupt electrical appliances and systems. That is because you are operating at a frequency that is much higher than what these systems were built with and a higher level than what your body is used to. Staying in these states will start your body and spirit into the ascension process of spiritual growth and aura development and expansion.
Love and light
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Song by Feist
Honey honey, up in the trees
Fill the flowers deep in his dreams
Eat them out to sea by the east
Honey honey, food for the bees
Honey honey, out on the sea
In the Doldrums thinking of me
Me I'm driving thinking of he
Honey honey, not next to me
Even if he wanted to
Even if he wanted to
Even if he wanted to
Do you think he'll come back
Would he come back
Honey honey out on the sea
In the Doldrums waiting for me
Me in my boat searching for he
Honey honey, food for the bees
Honey honey, up in the trees
Fill the flowers deep in his dreams
Eat them out to sea by the east
Honey honey, food for the bees
Honey honey, out on the sea
In the Doldrums thinking of me
Me I'm driving thinking of he
Honey honey, not next to me
Even if he wanted to
Even if he wanted to
Even if he wanted to
Do you think he'll come back
Would he come back
Honey honey out on the sea
In the Doldrums waiting for me
Me in my boat searching for he
Honey honey, food for the bees
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I've grown weary of the inherent inertia of my single predicament. More specifically, of always holding people at an arms length, fighting falling into the orbit of particularly charismatic potential lovers. Conversely, I am equally as tired of seemingly intrigued suitors keeping me at bay. I ponder the nature of this paradox, and wonder how long this will perpetuate. I guess I just have to be patient. Attraction is a suprising thing. When you think you've figured everything out, what exactly you think you need-- something unusual sneaks up and bites you. I can't explain why seemingly attractive people have no impact on me, while others do. It's ok, I don't need to know. I like good surprises, I so rarely get them --the paradox of a seer.
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I started thinking about where I am and how I got here -- specifically how I used to be more social in the physical world and now I am, at times, more social online. I started to panic at the realization that I had become a virtual social butterfly and a physical recluse- well not quite that bad but, more than what I am comfortable with. Of course I realized that this was a slow process that developed out of circumstance, being a single mom, having to stay in raising a child in my 20's - 30's all by myself. Not having a great deal of spending cash to play with, combined with being an unintentional gypsy all compounded this problem. But was it a problem?
I was uncomfortable with it at times, at other times I enjoyed it. Now I fully intend to become more social in a few weeks when a very important and time consuming part of my life comes to an end. This brings into light another perspective I share -- not to take in so much that I don't enjoy my life. A good life is a balanced one. Working on long term goals while enjoying the present is really important for happiness and satisfaction.
Then I started thinking about how time was so relevant to our experiences. Why is it that it goes by so fast when we are having a ball, and so slowly while we are bored, or waiting for the next fun thing. The spaces between one high to the next is where life plays out and shapes us, it can make us different people, sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently. Haven't you ever found yourself being "not like me" while hanging in limbo? It kind of makes you a little crazy. I guess that's a consideration, does being in limbo make you crazy? Is that what a gypsy likes? The thrill of uncertainty, of not knowing, it's like a ride with no clear end. So this made me wonder if some of us are self destructive so that we can continue to be on this never ending ride. A candle in the wind. Does that make us deeply flawed? Or have we simply embraced the fact that life is so unpredictable, we may as well enjoy it.
All this stems from this idea of wanting to be authentic. I want my ideal and my real to match up, at least to the degree that I am not a fraud. When I say ideal -- I also include the perception that people have of me. I want to make sure that people understand that I push content on ideals, but I am not always what I wish to be myself. I certainly don't think others are either. I think their content reflects something, if it is them or who they wish to be, need, desire, identify with or hate. To say it is unauthentic is not accurate though, because I think people are like cut diamonds, with many facets and different facets show through at different times and placed depending on what is required or expected of the situation. I think that most people have a space between ideals and real that they try to reconcile, learning to be happy and realizing that life is a constant transition is the trick. There is no destination, there are only milestones along the way.
There is a whole lot of stuff that goes on in my head, I play in the space of my mind sometimes. I don't know if that's good or bad, it is what it it is. I suspect many people exists like this. It's why I write, to get out there, out of my head and into life. Isn't it interesting that because of social media that we are all documenting our lives on live feed, blogs and flickr? This was a concept that was unknowing 20 years ago and now it's mainstream. We allow the world to read, reflect and respond to our lives, thoughts and actions. We do so with the knowledge that any moment someone could judge us.
Despite what people's perceptions are about us online, we are still people. We have to get up the morning and take our dogs for walks, feed our babies and go to jobs. Much of what is in our heads stays there and what comes out of our mouths sometimes is less than diplomatic. The mundane. Of course, no one really wants to read about that stuff, do they? I suspect that celebrities struggle with this idea, my public persona vs. my intimate life. I share my intimate life to some degree with the public, but I leave things out. I am allowed. I guess what I am saying is that if I seem larger than life online, I am not. It's just venue for me to play, an avenue for my imagination and self expression. It is who I am minus the bullshit utility of life. I guess it would make sense to say the light does shine brighter when the lens is cleaned of the mud.
I was uncomfortable with it at times, at other times I enjoyed it. Now I fully intend to become more social in a few weeks when a very important and time consuming part of my life comes to an end. This brings into light another perspective I share -- not to take in so much that I don't enjoy my life. A good life is a balanced one. Working on long term goals while enjoying the present is really important for happiness and satisfaction.
Then I started thinking about how time was so relevant to our experiences. Why is it that it goes by so fast when we are having a ball, and so slowly while we are bored, or waiting for the next fun thing. The spaces between one high to the next is where life plays out and shapes us, it can make us different people, sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently. Haven't you ever found yourself being "not like me" while hanging in limbo? It kind of makes you a little crazy. I guess that's a consideration, does being in limbo make you crazy? Is that what a gypsy likes? The thrill of uncertainty, of not knowing, it's like a ride with no clear end. So this made me wonder if some of us are self destructive so that we can continue to be on this never ending ride. A candle in the wind. Does that make us deeply flawed? Or have we simply embraced the fact that life is so unpredictable, we may as well enjoy it.
All this stems from this idea of wanting to be authentic. I want my ideal and my real to match up, at least to the degree that I am not a fraud. When I say ideal -- I also include the perception that people have of me. I want to make sure that people understand that I push content on ideals, but I am not always what I wish to be myself. I certainly don't think others are either. I think their content reflects something, if it is them or who they wish to be, need, desire, identify with or hate. To say it is unauthentic is not accurate though, because I think people are like cut diamonds, with many facets and different facets show through at different times and placed depending on what is required or expected of the situation. I think that most people have a space between ideals and real that they try to reconcile, learning to be happy and realizing that life is a constant transition is the trick. There is no destination, there are only milestones along the way.
There is a whole lot of stuff that goes on in my head, I play in the space of my mind sometimes. I don't know if that's good or bad, it is what it it is. I suspect many people exists like this. It's why I write, to get out there, out of my head and into life. Isn't it interesting that because of social media that we are all documenting our lives on live feed, blogs and flickr? This was a concept that was unknowing 20 years ago and now it's mainstream. We allow the world to read, reflect and respond to our lives, thoughts and actions. We do so with the knowledge that any moment someone could judge us.
Despite what people's perceptions are about us online, we are still people. We have to get up the morning and take our dogs for walks, feed our babies and go to jobs. Much of what is in our heads stays there and what comes out of our mouths sometimes is less than diplomatic. The mundane. Of course, no one really wants to read about that stuff, do they? I suspect that celebrities struggle with this idea, my public persona vs. my intimate life. I share my intimate life to some degree with the public, but I leave things out. I am allowed. I guess what I am saying is that if I seem larger than life online, I am not. It's just venue for me to play, an avenue for my imagination and self expression. It is who I am minus the bullshit utility of life. I guess it would make sense to say the light does shine brighter when the lens is cleaned of the mud.
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Dear Man,
Enchanted are we.
Thoughts of your have me buzzing.
My eyes craves to see you.
My body burns for your embrace.
Your voice is a life line melody.
I know you are equally smitten.
The way you hold me
your gaze sways and settles deep into mine
The subtle gentle tone of your voice
your kind acts and with the sweet praise.
When we make love it is a force of nature
with all it's intensity and passion,
only the two of us know for certain
how that tsunami started across the pacific.
But one day you will rise from your deep sleep
and see me for what I really am.
A human being.
The volume of my flaws.
The way I say a certain phase will irk you,
our conversation stale, expired.
My patience transparently thin.
Someday you will wonder what you ever saw in me--
landmarks of life with show trails on my face
sink and sag will show and stay
There will be days when you struggle to stay
Remember this --
When I've cooked and cleaned up after dinner
for the 3rd night in a row.
When the hair on your head falls out
and instead comes from your ears.
You start looking like an overgrown infant.
and your teeth are removable
When you cannot rock my clock like you used to,
What you may love me the most for is,
that I choose to still love you as well.
Enchanted are we.
Thoughts of your have me buzzing.
My eyes craves to see you.
My body burns for your embrace.
Your voice is a life line melody.
I know you are equally smitten.
The way you hold me
your gaze sways and settles deep into mine
The subtle gentle tone of your voice
your kind acts and with the sweet praise.
When we make love it is a force of nature
with all it's intensity and passion,
only the two of us know for certain
how that tsunami started across the pacific.
But one day you will rise from your deep sleep
and see me for what I really am.
A human being.
The volume of my flaws.
The way I say a certain phase will irk you,
our conversation stale, expired.
My patience transparently thin.
Someday you will wonder what you ever saw in me--
landmarks of life with show trails on my face
sink and sag will show and stay
There will be days when you struggle to stay
Remember this --
When I've cooked and cleaned up after dinner
for the 3rd night in a row.
When the hair on your head falls out
and instead comes from your ears.
You start looking like an overgrown infant.
and your teeth are removable
When you cannot rock my clock like you used to,
What you may love me the most for is,
that I choose to still love you as well.
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Have you ever been driving somewhere, and suddenly realize that you are going the wrong way? Or a bad feeling arises from the pit of your stomach that something is off? Perhaps you start looking around because you haven't been there and you think it's interesting. Maybe it's one of those rare days where it doesn't really matter if you make it to your destination anyway. So you keep going-- because you know that you can always just turn around, maybe. You keep going, twisting and turning down frayed country roads, wondering if you are going to get somewhere that you recognize. It makes you nervous, but a good nervous. Sometimes you see things that make you appreciate your life, things that are frightening, sad or tragic. At other times you see things that make you a little envious. You get utterly absorbed in your adventure and have no sense of what's right or wrong, you are enjoying the journey. At some point you realize that you probably need to get back on track, and you start thinking of ways you can get there. All along the way are signs, clues as to whether or not you are on the right path. You start to wonder if this little unplanned adventure was all part of some cosmic lesson of some sort, because when you finally make your way to a place of recognition, you feel as if you've discovered something. The hand painted sign, the old man with a crooked smile, or the dog chained out in the back yard left an impression on your soul.
That's how I feel about being single. The tricky thing is, often when you are in the journey, you do not know what stage you are in. Sometimes you are ready to get back to your plan but life has a few more stops, sights and curves to reveal before you can get there. Sometimes the signs are confusing. You think they mean one thing but they really meant something else. Sometimes you feel anxious, lost and confused. Your sheets are cold and popcorn and movies feels lopsided. Other times you thank your lucky stars that you don't have a significant other mentioning your ass is getting fat or ruining your Teflon pans. But mostly what I miss is making memories with someone, the good ones and the bad ones.
Sure I can be alone, independent, and have everything my way. It's easier that way. I don't need to be with anyone, but I want to be with someone. Not just anyone, the right someone. It has to be someone who can meet me on my levels, all or most. That's a pretty tall order. Not because I am so much better than most, but because I recognize there is nothing cookie cutter about me. My individuality is a defining characteristic of me. I know the average Joe not only doesn't get me, but also lacks wanting to. Relationships are so very earthbound for many but what I am seeking is nothing at all earthbound. So I continue on this road, maybe I will be on it forever, maybe not. I guess I will never know, until I know.
That's how I feel about being single. The tricky thing is, often when you are in the journey, you do not know what stage you are in. Sometimes you are ready to get back to your plan but life has a few more stops, sights and curves to reveal before you can get there. Sometimes the signs are confusing. You think they mean one thing but they really meant something else. Sometimes you feel anxious, lost and confused. Your sheets are cold and popcorn and movies feels lopsided. Other times you thank your lucky stars that you don't have a significant other mentioning your ass is getting fat or ruining your Teflon pans. But mostly what I miss is making memories with someone, the good ones and the bad ones.
Sure I can be alone, independent, and have everything my way. It's easier that way. I don't need to be with anyone, but I want to be with someone. Not just anyone, the right someone. It has to be someone who can meet me on my levels, all or most. That's a pretty tall order. Not because I am so much better than most, but because I recognize there is nothing cookie cutter about me. My individuality is a defining characteristic of me. I know the average Joe not only doesn't get me, but also lacks wanting to. Relationships are so very earthbound for many but what I am seeking is nothing at all earthbound. So I continue on this road, maybe I will be on it forever, maybe not. I guess I will never know, until I know.
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Dear friends, and do hope that we will remain friends after you are done reading this; I have decided to publish why I don’t believe in religion. Though summarizing a lifetime journey in a blog is a difficult task, I made this as poignant as possible. This is not an attempt to persuade anyone to divorce from his or her own theology. My dear friend, I absolutely love you the way you are. This is an autobiographic glimpse into my journey that has formed my belief system. To be, and have friends, we truly must under stand each other. I have been subjected to the unsolicited teachings of religion against my will my entire life, so consider this my little voice of rebellion; to quote the great Shakespeare “To thine own self be true." I am fully aware that in attempt to explain my belief system I will offend people. Though this is not the purpose, it will be a consequence. For this I am sorry, this is not my intention. I hope that you can try to remain objective and follow my thought process through this narrative.
I do not think any less of anyone who does believe in religion. In fact, I am a little bit envious of anyone who can find peace and self-identity in organized religion. I have simply transcended the aforementioned state of mind; I chose the word transcend because I was once a believer in Christianity. To clarify, I do not look at religious people from an elitist perspective, rather; I look at them with compassion and understanding. I used to be there. I am like a globetrotter observing someone who hasn’t traveled much, or very little. I am not smarter, more intelligent, better or brighter than they, I have just been to different places then they have on the spiritual journey. I am fully aware that there is no possible way for anyone to relate to what I am saying unless they themselves have been on an equally diverse journey. In fact anyone who believes anything anyone else says without question, is a fool, and I would be equally as guilty of brainwashing.
I am only going to use Christianity as the subject of contrast and comparison, since this is a primary religion in the U.S. When I say Christianity, I use the term loosely for simplicity purposes. The term Christianity is in and of itself a stereotype more often than not proven false because of the diversity in denominations. While you are reading this, you might think “but I am not like that,” please do keep in mind this story isn’t about you. Whilst I’ve put the cart before the horse, I’m getting on the horse now.
My parents divorced when I was three. From what I can ascertain, my father was a bit of a handsome-popular bad boy turned family man (and chauvinist) and my mother was a wallflower who morphed into an educated, striving, feminist hottie. Clearly this was a relationship doomed for failure. Growing up I was exposed to quite a bit of Christianity, my Great Grandmother was Lutheran, and sometimes I went to church on Sundays and enjoyed it.
When I was around 8 years old, my very cool, very secular father turned “born again.” Shortly thereafter I was exposed a wide spectrum of Christians: Baptist, Non-Denominational, Evangelical, Lutheran and Catholic-Christian. My father insisted that this was an amazing transformation, I believed him --though honestly I rather liked him the way he was before. By the time I was a teenager, I was brainwashed “born again.” I admit that I wanted to believe in the hype that I was being force-fed. I more or less went along with it all as way to please my family, because my goal for the first 18 years of my life was to stay out of trouble. From the pages of Merriam-Webster
brain·wash·ing
1 : a forcible indoctrination to induce someone to give up basic political, social, or religious beliefs and attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented ideas
2 : persuasion by propaganda or salesmanship
“…to induce someone to give up basic political, social, or religious beliefs and attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented ideas…” that would mean that someone would have to have these things to begin with, indeed I did. I recall being quite young, sitting in church listening to sermons talk about the love of Jesus. The funny thing is -- kids will believe just about anything. I started comparing these stories of this beautiful person (Jesus) and what Christians are, against what I was experiencing in my own life, with Christians; even what I sometimes heard come straight from the pulpit. I deduced that these could not be the same two things. Most of the Christians that I knew said horrible things about gay people, and anyone that wasn’t like them. They told racist jokes, and relished in gossip about each other. They could abuse and manipulate people with their doctrine. They were hypocritical, judgmental and quite frankly seemed to be in the dark, blindly following doctrine, which in and of itself seemed utterly and completely hypocritical. It was profoundly confusing and painful to contrast these ideologies against reality and to come unreconciled. This led me down a long path of analyzing this paradox, was it the Christians or the bible? I’ll save you years of reading the cliff notes, it turns out it is both. I can’t just say that without explaining myself.
As a parent, I would never put my children on planet with my arch enemy resides, who by all accounts, is a far superior contender and undoubtedly will defeat even the most superior human being. This is a scenario that was created to fail. It lacks logic to the extent that even the suggestion of free will is a severely weak point. How do you propose that free will could compete against a god-like creature? From the inception, the bible is an incredulous tale. My next example is how in one passage, Jesus talks about turning the other cheek, in another passage Jesus gets angry and overturns tables in the synagogue. Really, am I the only thinking person who finds this completely hypocritical and by its very nature is an example of “sin?” Wait a minute, Jesus never sinned right?
Let’s recap. God sets his children up to fail, and then punishes them with a life of constant struggle throughout time, until the final act of Armageddon. Then, he rewards people for not using their “God given brains,” and blindly believing these mythical stories, which are inaccurately recorded, because they were verbally handed down from a time whereby people were largely illiterate. Oh, I almost forgot, many of the books that make up the entire biblical volume are not actually in the final bible. The political/church leaders at the time picked which books they wanted published, based on how they wanted to control the masses at that point in history. Furthermore, the “bible” was polluted when Constantine decided to merge the Pagan beliefs in with Christian to bring peace in order to these dueling religions. This is why many Christians believe that Christ died on a cross, instead of a tree (original translation) and we celebrate with a Christmas tree, and the introduction of the trinity concept. All of which are directly stolen from Pagan rituals, as is the Easter bunny, though EB isn't in the b-i-b-l-e, however Easter was planned to overshadow the Pagan spring equinox. Meanwhile, said holy deity refuses to make an appearance to either confirm or deny its existence, yet insist that he is “the only way.” When people choose not to believe these fairy tales they spend eternity in hell. Makes perfect sense. So either “God” is a sadistic asshole, or the bible is a wonderful work of fictitious and factual fables. I choose b. How silly. Why don’t you just believe in Santa Clause, at least he isn’t mean.
The bible is not all bad, it is a nice piece of literature, full of some great stories and common sense rules like “don’t sleep with your neighbors wife.” There are many of these universal truths in many religions and stories throughout time. I do not knock the use of the bible as a foundation for development of good values, morals and ethics, I do not see the bible as a credible source of information, nor can it be a book in which my whole life must revolve around for the aforementioned reasons. I also think the bible is one dimension or one perspective of learning. If you really want to be knowledgeable it is important for one to read from many different sources. I also think that historically the bible was a good way for leaders to control people from self-destructive behavior, otherwise difficult to curtail. If you simply think of the word “sin” as self-destructive behavior it begins to fit better into a modern context. Now that we have laws to protect ourselves and each other form these basic sins, (at lease in the U.S.) this method of control is outdated.
This is just the exploration of one religion. I have done this process with many religions, in an attempt to fill the God void, which by the way is no longer a void. I’ve never heard the uncontested ring of truth upon close examination from any religion. There are some that are close, Buddhism is one I find to be in most alignment with my beliefs, but that would be Buddhism the philosophy, not the religion. Even Buddhism requires a level of isolation and discipline that I cannot embrace. Religion requires a deity to “worship,” I worship nothing. Life it be lived and enjoyed because there isn’t anyone who has come back from the dead to profess that we all are guaranteed heaven if we only believe in “fill in the blank” religion. Furthermore, why would you think it’s ok to discard your own thought process and intuition? Animals in nature do not do this, why would we?
My suspicions about religion were cemented when I took “History of Western Civilization” in college. I learned about the birth of civilization, through history, as we understood it. I learned about all of the cultures and people that shaped our lives, beliefs, progress, and technology through out time. One thing that became clear is that as far as they can trace, we’ve always believed in God. And that our idea of God has always been changing and evolving as we've evolved in our thinking. That’s because people created religion, and their perception of what God is, not “God.”
Continuing on I was finally introduced to perhaps my greatest love in college, “Philosophy of Ethics.” Finally a method of which I could clearly articulate what I had been thinking in my head all of these years about life and religion. I understood how I could be a profoundly ethical person, in the absence of any religious dogma. Philosophy gave me a tool to divide and categorize the hypocrisy found in religion, ethics, morals, values and thought. I fell in love with the study of philosophy, though I had really been in love with it all of my life, and did not know it.
My belief system does come at a cost of alienation from friends, community and relationships. It is the reason my blog is anonymous. One of the reasons I am single is that I find it difficult find progressive minded people like myself to date in the bible belt that I live in. One of my prerequisites is that the person not be religious, and be ethical. While I can respect a person’s choice to be religious, sooner or later this will cause a great deal of conflict in a shared life because either I will have to hold my tongue, and not be myself, or risk hurting their feelings.
There seems to be this misconception that non-religious people have no morals, values or ethics. I hope that this post has made it obvious that the catalyst for my transformation was spawned by my love and reverence for all human beings, my compassion and value for every life, and my desire to be an honorable and just human being.
There seems to be this misconception that non-religious people have no morals, values or ethics. I hope that this post has made it obvious that the catalyst for my transformation was spawned by my love and reverence for all human beings, my compassion and value for every life, and my desire to be an honorable and just human being.
I am not an atheist, but an agnostic theist, which means I believe a god exists, but I do not claim to know that this belief is true. When I say God, I am using the term loosely because what some people call God I think of as a universal energy source in which all life belongs to. I get excited about the discoveries in quantum physics, specifically string theory. it appears to possibly explain in scientific way, this universal energy, if it can be proven. However, for me it doesn't have to be proven. Love cannot be tested, yet no one can deny its reality, power, or it's effects.
Why do I believe that anything god-like could exist? First, because I am thinker, anything could be true until it’s proven otherwise, or my own thought processes makes a deduction. Second, I cannot explain coincidence, aside from pure statistics, which defies true explanation anyway. Third, personal experiences. I’ve been thinking of someone, and they call. Sometimes I think things, and other people say them out loud, a thought enters my mind that says, “do this, not that” and it turns out to be a great benefit to me. Sometimes I just know something is going to happen before it does. Can you explain “messages from the other side” that seem to work in our favor? We all have these experiences regularly. Serendipity, knowsis, psychic energy, miracles, these are all things we cannot explain. These great mystical and magical experiences in our lives that make us sit on the edge of our seats and give us goose bumps. If we figure it all out, we might not have anything left to feel hopeful about. Which is why I believe there is a God, because I choose to, I just don’t believe in religion. If believing in God or religion makes you a better person, and you do no harm to others in your beliefs, then by all means believe away. I challenge you to explore and conclude why you believe what you believe, and then my friend, we will truly be kindred spirits.
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The most freighting things that happen to us in life are when the illusions that we hold about ourselves and others are shattered. If we can recognize that reality is a figment of our design and perception, we have nothing left to fer -- only situations to deal with.
-- Shaman Chitta
-- Shaman Chitta
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Bathe in imagination, wash with passion. Dry with industry and apply the lotion of ambition. Slip on your best creativity. Step out and share your metamorphosis with the world -- we are waiting to fall in love with you
-- Shaman Chitta
-- Shaman Chitta
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sketching fetching portraits
of terrors or delights
works born of ethereal visions and plights
paint or plaster stories
of woven or glass angst
artists show life's spite and esoteric pranks
-- Shaman Chitta
of terrors or delights
works born of ethereal visions and plights
paint or plaster stories
of woven or glass angst
artists show life's spite and esoteric pranks
-- Shaman Chitta
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I'd rather go barefoot
then wear the wrong kind of shoes.
I trust my feet.
Sure
they get too cold sometimes
and scorching hot at others
but that's why I let the skin get a little thick,
to protect them.
I always know how to take care of them.
With a little care my feet never let me down,
at least for now.
Now don't get me wrong - I love shoes
which is why I keep trying them on.
They look so pretty,
I can see myself in them,
imagining how well they will fit in my life
and all the places we can go together.
But mostly I think of how comfortable
and good I will feel in the right pair of shoes.
I can have nice soft feet - free of callous
spared for the heat and the cold
in the right pair of shoes.
I've tried so many shoes
some too tight
or too loose
some rub my heels
and give me blisters
some just plain hurt.
Some shoes make my body tired or sore.
Some shoes are just plain boring
ugly
not me
When I find a pair I like
I take good care of them
and wear them until they give out on me
and they always do.
A comfortable, stylish,
quality shoe is so hard to find these days.
Usually when I do find one
they are out of my size,
or cost is so high,
they are out of my league.
That is why
I'd rather go barefoot than
make do with an "almost" good pair.
So sometimes I go barefoot for a while
until I find another great pair of shoes
Because I trust my feet.
Because its better to go barefoot
then walk around in the wrong kind of shoes.
-- Shaman Chitta
then wear the wrong kind of shoes.
I trust my feet.
Sure
they get too cold sometimes
and scorching hot at others
but that's why I let the skin get a little thick,
to protect them.
I always know how to take care of them.
With a little care my feet never let me down,
at least for now.
Now don't get me wrong - I love shoes
which is why I keep trying them on.
They look so pretty,
I can see myself in them,
imagining how well they will fit in my life
and all the places we can go together.
But mostly I think of how comfortable
and good I will feel in the right pair of shoes.
I can have nice soft feet - free of callous
spared for the heat and the cold
in the right pair of shoes.
I've tried so many shoes
some too tight
or too loose
some rub my heels
and give me blisters
some just plain hurt.
Some shoes make my body tired or sore.
Some shoes are just plain boring
ugly
not me
When I find a pair I like
I take good care of them
and wear them until they give out on me
and they always do.
A comfortable, stylish,
quality shoe is so hard to find these days.
Usually when I do find one
they are out of my size,
or cost is so high,
they are out of my league.
That is why
I'd rather go barefoot than
make do with an "almost" good pair.
So sometimes I go barefoot for a while
until I find another great pair of shoes
Because I trust my feet.
Because its better to go barefoot
then walk around in the wrong kind of shoes.
-- Shaman Chitta
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Platinum sunset
butterfly acquaintance
summers perfume
I smile toward the direction
of your shadow
Silk winds
cricket sonnet
origami memories
unfold and refolding
wishing for a different outcome
Swallowing suns
birthing moons
incubating afternoons
this season reflects love and regret
majestic healing
-- Shaman chitta
butterfly acquaintance
summers perfume
I smile toward the direction
of your shadow
Silk winds
cricket sonnet
origami memories
unfold and refolding
wishing for a different outcome
Swallowing suns
birthing moons
incubating afternoons
this season reflects love and regret
majestic healing
-- Shaman chitta
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Looking for luck or love
its like
the rain
the sun
chasing rainbows
gone
hope removed until the next rain.
A single leaf
fallen into the sea
subject to the calm or
thrashing waves
currents or tides
getting dizzy
trying to keep sight of the big dipper
hoping to reach solid ground
before it
disintegrates or
is taken under
clinging to anything rushing by until
eventually
they part
the leaf knows its purpose but
the sea it seems
has other plans.
Who is going to win?
Like a skilled painter gone color blind
talent seems wasted on me
for I have neither the time nor
inspiration concurrently
it’s a cruel trick
to wave the steak in front of the caged lion.
Cat’s on fire
my chest aches
another day of quarreling
with my dependent.
Today I aged a year
I had to sleep
visions of my hopes and dreams
swirling down the toilet
will I ever get to see one grow up?
Every disappointment is like
the loss of a child or a beloved pet
Every heart break
is 3 years gone
how many times can a heart be wounded before the scars get in the way?
Are they in the way?
I look around and realize
there is nothing here for me
my life is on auto pilot
void of pleasantry
responsibilities, responsibilities, responsibilities
is all I see.
When can I feel joy
when can I be free
when is life ever going to be about me?
I am an orphan of misery
this kind of heart break cannot be remedied.
I remind my self in part, this path was of my choosing.
No weed to smoke
No coke to blow
No alcohol to douse the flames
No chocolate or ice cream
No shopping spree
Not even a prescription pill to pop
No
I have to deal with today
COLD TURKEY
So I will take my chest pains
my pillow and bed
cable TV
with pen in hand
I will write
I will write to ease me.
-- Shaman Chitta
its like
the rain
the sun
chasing rainbows
gone
hope removed until the next rain.
A single leaf
fallen into the sea
subject to the calm or
thrashing waves
currents or tides
getting dizzy
trying to keep sight of the big dipper
hoping to reach solid ground
before it
disintegrates or
is taken under
clinging to anything rushing by until
eventually
they part
the leaf knows its purpose but
the sea it seems
has other plans.
Who is going to win?
Like a skilled painter gone color blind
talent seems wasted on me
for I have neither the time nor
inspiration concurrently
it’s a cruel trick
to wave the steak in front of the caged lion.
Cat’s on fire
my chest aches
another day of quarreling
with my dependent.
Today I aged a year
I had to sleep
visions of my hopes and dreams
swirling down the toilet
will I ever get to see one grow up?
Every disappointment is like
the loss of a child or a beloved pet
Every heart break
is 3 years gone
how many times can a heart be wounded before the scars get in the way?
Are they in the way?
I look around and realize
there is nothing here for me
my life is on auto pilot
void of pleasantry
responsibilities, responsibilities, responsibilities
is all I see.
When can I feel joy
when can I be free
when is life ever going to be about me?
I am an orphan of misery
this kind of heart break cannot be remedied.
I remind my self in part, this path was of my choosing.
No weed to smoke
No coke to blow
No alcohol to douse the flames
No chocolate or ice cream
No shopping spree
Not even a prescription pill to pop
No
I have to deal with today
COLD TURKEY
So I will take my chest pains
my pillow and bed
cable TV
with pen in hand
I will write
I will write to ease me.
-- Shaman Chitta
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The nights are cold and talk is cheap
A bud of love grew from her sheets
Happy high on her heavenly throne
Eternal love - it's all she's known
They spend days and months together
He speaks words to her of forever
A dream come true she finds at last
Profound love he assures he's cast
A queen of wands appears on the scene
He trades his goddess to spill his seed
In her trance he lies his love away
His goddess yearns his return, dies each day
How will she ever see the sunshine bright again?
How will he ever make up for all of his sins?
She loves but hates for all he’s done
She can’t recall how to be alone
Forced to pay with pain and tears
For a crime that was not even hers
Bitterness sinks in,
She plots sin against his
She trades her sovereignty for some peace
In spiteful words the truth she speaks
As she watches her bridges burn
Thoughts calm her -he can’t return
Freedom from her lovers spell
Release acceded her from hell
A smile returns upon her face
Through vindication her pain replaced
Oh how she would have done anything for him
Her riches wasted on a thankless man
High price she paid for what was done
A low return he gets for that wand
A childish joy he gets to keep
For there’s no replacing a goddess, with a queen.
--Shaman Chitta
A bud of love grew from her sheets
Happy high on her heavenly throne
Eternal love - it's all she's known
They spend days and months together
He speaks words to her of forever
A dream come true she finds at last
Profound love he assures he's cast
A queen of wands appears on the scene
He trades his goddess to spill his seed
In her trance he lies his love away
His goddess yearns his return, dies each day
How will she ever see the sunshine bright again?
How will he ever make up for all of his sins?
She loves but hates for all he’s done
She can’t recall how to be alone
Forced to pay with pain and tears
For a crime that was not even hers
Bitterness sinks in,
She plots sin against his
She trades her sovereignty for some peace
In spiteful words the truth she speaks
As she watches her bridges burn
Thoughts calm her -he can’t return
Freedom from her lovers spell
Release acceded her from hell
A smile returns upon her face
Through vindication her pain replaced
Oh how she would have done anything for him
Her riches wasted on a thankless man
High price she paid for what was done
A low return he gets for that wand
A childish joy he gets to keep
For there’s no replacing a goddess, with a queen.
--Shaman Chitta
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The walls of our ivory tower are stained black
with the layers of dried blood
from the sins that we have committed against humanity and ourselves
Mixed with the smoke screen of lies
that he leaders that we have elected
have asked you to support
That ivory tower that we poached from Africa
we built up so high
too high for most
but not for a few
who are fortunate enough
to take their silver spoons
from their palate
and levy them for gold ones
and for those who commit incest
by raping their own brothers and sister
to enter the royal ivory tower
For those one percent who make it
without these crimes-
shame on if you do not make it better for the rest of us!
If everything that you own has a designer label on it -
you have failed us all!
Too ignorant to realize that their joke is on you!
Keep on slaughtering your cash cows
so you cannot breed more cattle
to feed your own!
To hell with your Louis Vuitton-
there is a child who lives down the street from you
fighting for her life
because her mother is dying of aids
and cannot afford to feed her!
WAKE UP AMERICA!
Your ivory tower is chipping apart
piece by piece
as you family is being crushed
under the falling debris!
They are hypnotized by the lullabies
of the television sets, the internet,
movie stars, black guitars
and the multimillion dollar players
College grads - seduced by the fairy tale
Invested time and money to a system that has failed us - all of us!
We pay the money to abide by their rules
and get a piece of paper that says
we are "worth something"
all the while only learning what they allow us to-
now isn't that something?
We graduate to be in debt to the loan's we can barely afford to pay back
because the "good jobs " are gone!
So that we can support those in that ivory tower
WAKE UP AMERICA!
And get out of the way!
Let the ivory tower crumble - better yet-
LETS BURN IT DOWN!
Capitalism decapitates most for the luxury of few
Elect better leaders?!
We cannot -because one of the two evil twins always wins
El Diablo or Satan
Why do we still use the electoral college system-
designed by white men who had slaves
At a time when women women were burned at the state for their beliefs!
Old ways have died yet we allow their noose to remain around our necks?!
WAKE UP AMERICA!
If you don't believe that change beings with the end of the electoral college voting system
then you don't know enough!
Let our politicians get minimum wage - see how far that goes in their limos!
WAKE UP AMERICA
Don't die in your sleep under the rubble of the fallen debris watching your TV's.
-- Shaman Chitta
with the layers of dried blood
from the sins that we have committed against humanity and ourselves
Mixed with the smoke screen of lies
that he leaders that we have elected
have asked you to support
That ivory tower that we poached from Africa
we built up so high
too high for most
but not for a few
who are fortunate enough
to take their silver spoons
from their palate
and levy them for gold ones
and for those who commit incest
by raping their own brothers and sister
to enter the royal ivory tower
For those one percent who make it
without these crimes-
shame on if you do not make it better for the rest of us!
If everything that you own has a designer label on it -
you have failed us all!
Too ignorant to realize that their joke is on you!
Keep on slaughtering your cash cows
so you cannot breed more cattle
to feed your own!
To hell with your Louis Vuitton-
there is a child who lives down the street from you
fighting for her life
because her mother is dying of aids
and cannot afford to feed her!
WAKE UP AMERICA!
Your ivory tower is chipping apart
piece by piece
as you family is being crushed
under the falling debris!
They are hypnotized by the lullabies
of the television sets, the internet,
movie stars, black guitars
and the multimillion dollar players
College grads - seduced by the fairy tale
Invested time and money to a system that has failed us - all of us!
We pay the money to abide by their rules
and get a piece of paper that says
we are "worth something"
all the while only learning what they allow us to-
now isn't that something?
We graduate to be in debt to the loan's we can barely afford to pay back
because the "good jobs " are gone!
So that we can support those in that ivory tower
WAKE UP AMERICA!
And get out of the way!
Let the ivory tower crumble - better yet-
LETS BURN IT DOWN!
Capitalism decapitates most for the luxury of few
Elect better leaders?!
We cannot -because one of the two evil twins always wins
El Diablo or Satan
Why do we still use the electoral college system-
designed by white men who had slaves
At a time when women women were burned at the state for their beliefs!
Old ways have died yet we allow their noose to remain around our necks?!
WAKE UP AMERICA!
If you don't believe that change beings with the end of the electoral college voting system
then you don't know enough!
Let our politicians get minimum wage - see how far that goes in their limos!
WAKE UP AMERICA
Don't die in your sleep under the rubble of the fallen debris watching your TV's.
-- Shaman Chitta
|
|
Spawned of need and the cosmos
Incubated this-
Your chest on my back
Arms and legs laced
My hair pulled back to reveal
the kiss on my neck
This is nothing but a moment
and everything that matters
The universe exists between us
-- Shaman Chitta
Incubated this-
Your chest on my back
Arms and legs laced
My hair pulled back to reveal
the kiss on my neck
This is nothing but a moment
and everything that matters
The universe exists between us
-- Shaman Chitta
|
|
I cannot take credit for this thought - but it is a thought that is worth contemplating. The idea came from the show "Grey's Anatomy." Are you the ham or the eggs in relationships? The ham is the pig, it sacrifices and puts itself out there, the eggs are the chickens contribution, and causes no harm and little effort for the chicken. So I pose the question - which one are you? And are you really the one that you think that you are? And does it change? Did you think at first you were the ham but have become the eggs or vice versa?
Next question - if your partner had to answer those questions about you, and themselves, what would they say?
Next question - if your partner had to answer those questions about you, and themselves, what would they say?
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|
I think most people have struggled with this issue at some point in their lives. Who knows exactly how it came about, we could blame it on our childhood or our society and culture with its glorification of passionate love. But ultimately the responsibility of not becoming addicted to someone else and loosing site of ourselves squarely falls upon our shoulders.
Women tend to be more likely to abandon their friends, lives and ultimately themselves when they become wrapped around a man. After the honeymoon the next phase ultimately becomes a painful experience when one of them (typically the male but not always) decides that they need "space" and all of a sudden it throws the other one into an emotional "what's wrong with me?" crisis, a further indication that they are indeed codependent. You can't get enough of each other in the beginning, "how romantic" suddenly becomes "he/she is so clingy and needy" this is often a devastating turn and is certainly not appealing or attractive ot anyone.
What is equally as devastating is the relationships codependents compromise with their other friends and family as they become completely immersed into their new found love. As a bystander you see this inevitable crash coming and yet you know there is nothing that you can say or do, or that you would even want to- because we've all been there and we know its coming. I liken this to throwing your arm out over a passenger during a car crash. As the dutiful friend you are supposed to be there for the foolish after the fallout even though they have all but ignored you for the last several months. I always wonder why so many women are willing to abandon their friends but men, not so much and I wonder why this is totally acceptable behavior for women to treat each other like this. Humm, maybe women have something to learn from men after all.
The truth is no matter how much its "meant to be" it's never healthy to completely wrap yourself around another person no matter how intoxicating it may feel. Because the honeymoon is a temporary state and at some point when you come back down to earth you may find yourself even more alone and needy since you've allowed your interpersonal relationship, your life, and yourself fall to the wayside and the one and only person you've allowed yourself to spend time with lately is not an option anymore. If the relationship recovers, you have now set up a pattern of codependency that will last for the duration of that relationship. Ultimately these relationships seldom last because you have allowed yourself to be sucked dry and you are now a skeleton of who you once were, this creates much despair and even resentment towards your partner. What's that you say? " I do get something out of it, I am sooo happy!" Okay but again, when that wears off - and it it will, you are just left with the empty needle that once held the drug you were addicted to and what is ultimately an illusion. The truth is - you are the one that allowed it to happen.
I believe a good life is one that is balanced, easier said than done. When I find myself beginning a new relationship I hold fast to my boundaries and things I need to get done and I let the other person know that I have other things going on in my life besides them. Sure I have to give a little but I have learned the hard way if you give all of yourself away there is nothing left to give back to yourself. Establishing your boundaries early in the relationship will ultimately set you up for success for yourself and everyone else in your life. Hopefully they have a life too, and are all too grateful for your wise perspective, and may find it refreshing from relationships in the past. If they don't have a life outside of your - not a good sign. I've also have learned that if it is an illusion from the start I'd rather not be a believer but that's just a personal choice. Without further adieu I have posted a list of codependent behaviors:
1. My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
2. My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
3. Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain.
4. My mental attention is focused on you.
5. My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
6. My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way.
7. My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
8. My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
9. My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests.
10. Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me.
11. Your behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me.
12. I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
13. I am not aware of what I want - I ask for what you want.
14. The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
15. My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
16. My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
17. I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
18. My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you
19. I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
20. I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
21. The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.
There are many lists and resources out there for codependency because so many of us are guilty of it. If you find yourself guilty of this, it might be worth your while to try to get it resolved. According to the authors of this article there are flower essences to help with particular issues:
If it's beginning to seem like you and a friend or two are codependent, there are flower essences that could be useful. The list below is abstracted from Jeffrey Garson Shapiro's The Flower Remedy Book, under the rubric (i.e. search characteristic) of Co-Dependence:
Agrimony (Bach, Pegasus) -- Hiding true feelings, using an outer mask of cheerfulness.
Apple (Masters, FES, Pegasus) -- Healthy self-image, cleansing destructive emotions.
Avocado (Masters, FES, Green Hope, Pegasus) -- To become "undependent," awareness of patterns.
Bleeding Heart (FES, Pegasus) -- Possessive/clinging, letting go of emotional dependence.
Buttercup (FES, Pegasus) -- Low self-esteem, lack of self-worth in relationships.
Centaury (Bach) -- Unhealthy need to serve or please others, accepting exploitations.
Cerato (Bach, Pegasus) -- Inability to make decisions, overly reliant on advice of others.
Chicory (Bach, Pegasus) -- Neediness, possessiveness, manipulative.
Date (Masters) -- Finding fault in others instead of focusing on own issues.
Elm (Bach, Pegasus) -- Securing affection by being the hero, afraid to let others down.
Fairy Lantern (FES) -- Feigning helplessness or over-dependence.
Goldenrod (FES, Green Hope, Pegasus) -- Dependence on social approval of others.
Grape (Masters) -- Finding love in self instead of expecting others to provide fulfillment.
Mariposa Lily (FES) -- Abandonment/insecurity from childhood which distorts present.
Milkweed (FES, Pegasus) -- Extreme dependence.
Peach (Masters, FES, Pegasus) -- Serving others out of wholeness, not neediness.
Pine (Bach) -- Internalizing guilt, taking blame/responsibility for others' faults.
Pink Yarrow (FES) -- Enmeshed in others' feelings, can't identify own feelings.
Red Chestnut (Bach, Pegasus) -- Excessive worry/concern for others, over-identification.
Strawberry (Masters, FES, Pegasus) -- Dissolves need for approval, cleanses guilt/self-blame.
Sunflower (FES, Green Hope, Pegasus, Alaskan) -- Developing healthy sense of ego, feeling radiant/assertive.
Tansy (FES, Pegasus) -- Holding back to placate family system.
Walnut (Bach, Pegasus) -- Dysfunctional ties to family system/social standards.
Willow (Bach, Pegasus) -- Seeing oneself as a victim, not taking responsibility.
source:http://www.floweressencemagazine.com/aug05/codependencypals.html
Women tend to be more likely to abandon their friends, lives and ultimately themselves when they become wrapped around a man. After the honeymoon the next phase ultimately becomes a painful experience when one of them (typically the male but not always) decides that they need "space" and all of a sudden it throws the other one into an emotional "what's wrong with me?" crisis, a further indication that they are indeed codependent. You can't get enough of each other in the beginning, "how romantic" suddenly becomes "he/she is so clingy and needy" this is often a devastating turn and is certainly not appealing or attractive ot anyone.
What is equally as devastating is the relationships codependents compromise with their other friends and family as they become completely immersed into their new found love. As a bystander you see this inevitable crash coming and yet you know there is nothing that you can say or do, or that you would even want to- because we've all been there and we know its coming. I liken this to throwing your arm out over a passenger during a car crash. As the dutiful friend you are supposed to be there for the foolish after the fallout even though they have all but ignored you for the last several months. I always wonder why so many women are willing to abandon their friends but men, not so much and I wonder why this is totally acceptable behavior for women to treat each other like this. Humm, maybe women have something to learn from men after all.
The truth is no matter how much its "meant to be" it's never healthy to completely wrap yourself around another person no matter how intoxicating it may feel. Because the honeymoon is a temporary state and at some point when you come back down to earth you may find yourself even more alone and needy since you've allowed your interpersonal relationship, your life, and yourself fall to the wayside and the one and only person you've allowed yourself to spend time with lately is not an option anymore. If the relationship recovers, you have now set up a pattern of codependency that will last for the duration of that relationship. Ultimately these relationships seldom last because you have allowed yourself to be sucked dry and you are now a skeleton of who you once were, this creates much despair and even resentment towards your partner. What's that you say? " I do get something out of it, I am sooo happy!" Okay but again, when that wears off - and it it will, you are just left with the empty needle that once held the drug you were addicted to and what is ultimately an illusion. The truth is - you are the one that allowed it to happen.
I believe a good life is one that is balanced, easier said than done. When I find myself beginning a new relationship I hold fast to my boundaries and things I need to get done and I let the other person know that I have other things going on in my life besides them. Sure I have to give a little but I have learned the hard way if you give all of yourself away there is nothing left to give back to yourself. Establishing your boundaries early in the relationship will ultimately set you up for success for yourself and everyone else in your life. Hopefully they have a life too, and are all too grateful for your wise perspective, and may find it refreshing from relationships in the past. If they don't have a life outside of your - not a good sign. I've also have learned that if it is an illusion from the start I'd rather not be a believer but that's just a personal choice. Without further adieu I have posted a list of codependent behaviors:
1. My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
2. My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
3. Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain.
4. My mental attention is focused on you.
5. My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
6. My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way.
7. My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
8. My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
9. My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests.
10. Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me.
11. Your behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me.
12. I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
13. I am not aware of what I want - I ask for what you want.
14. The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
15. My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
16. My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
17. I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
18. My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you
19. I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
20. I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
21. The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.
There are many lists and resources out there for codependency because so many of us are guilty of it. If you find yourself guilty of this, it might be worth your while to try to get it resolved. According to the authors of this article there are flower essences to help with particular issues:
If it's beginning to seem like you and a friend or two are codependent, there are flower essences that could be useful. The list below is abstracted from Jeffrey Garson Shapiro's The Flower Remedy Book, under the rubric (i.e. search characteristic) of Co-Dependence:
Agrimony (Bach, Pegasus) -- Hiding true feelings, using an outer mask of cheerfulness.
Apple (Masters, FES, Pegasus) -- Healthy self-image, cleansing destructive emotions.
Avocado (Masters, FES, Green Hope, Pegasus) -- To become "undependent," awareness of patterns.
Bleeding Heart (FES, Pegasus) -- Possessive/clinging, letting go of emotional dependence.
Buttercup (FES, Pegasus) -- Low self-esteem, lack of self-worth in relationships.
Centaury (Bach) -- Unhealthy need to serve or please others, accepting exploitations.
Cerato (Bach, Pegasus) -- Inability to make decisions, overly reliant on advice of others.
Chicory (Bach, Pegasus) -- Neediness, possessiveness, manipulative.
Date (Masters) -- Finding fault in others instead of focusing on own issues.
Elm (Bach, Pegasus) -- Securing affection by being the hero, afraid to let others down.
Fairy Lantern (FES) -- Feigning helplessness or over-dependence.
Goldenrod (FES, Green Hope, Pegasus) -- Dependence on social approval of others.
Grape (Masters) -- Finding love in self instead of expecting others to provide fulfillment.
Mariposa Lily (FES) -- Abandonment/insecurity from childhood which distorts present.
Milkweed (FES, Pegasus) -- Extreme dependence.
Peach (Masters, FES, Pegasus) -- Serving others out of wholeness, not neediness.
Pine (Bach) -- Internalizing guilt, taking blame/responsibility for others' faults.
Pink Yarrow (FES) -- Enmeshed in others' feelings, can't identify own feelings.
Red Chestnut (Bach, Pegasus) -- Excessive worry/concern for others, over-identification.
Strawberry (Masters, FES, Pegasus) -- Dissolves need for approval, cleanses guilt/self-blame.
Sunflower (FES, Green Hope, Pegasus, Alaskan) -- Developing healthy sense of ego, feeling radiant/assertive.
Tansy (FES, Pegasus) -- Holding back to placate family system.
Walnut (Bach, Pegasus) -- Dysfunctional ties to family system/social standards.
Willow (Bach, Pegasus) -- Seeing oneself as a victim, not taking responsibility.
source:http://www.floweressencemagazine.com/aug05/codependencypals.html
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What I always knew is that my weaknesses were trying to tell me something so I tried to find out what. I found this great website http://www.starchildglobal.com/ See if any of this rings a bell:
The Indigo to Crystal Transitional Crisis
Sudden extreme sensitivity to people and environments. A person who has previously been sociable and active suddenly finds they can’t bear to be in shopping malls or in crowded environments such as restaurants.
The Indigo to Crystal Transitional Crisis
Sudden extreme sensitivity to people and environments. A person who has previously been sociable and active suddenly finds they can’t bear to be in shopping malls or in crowded environments such as restaurants.
- An increase in psychic ability and awareness. This most often manifests in the ability to almost "hear" the inner thoughts and feelings of others. This can be disconcerting if the person imagines that everyone else can also read their thoughts and feelings. Also an extreme sensitivity to negative energy in certain environments or people, including the inability to tolerate certain people who had previously been close.
- This increased sensitivity can lead to panic attacks or anxiety attacks. These can occur at any time, even when the person wakes up at night. Often there is no valid reason for the attack, although the person will often seek to find a reason.
- The person might also find themselves "zoning out" for long periods of time, just wanting to sit and do nothing. This can be irritating to someone who has previously been very energetic and active. This is just the consciousness adjusting to spending more time in the higher dimensions and less time in the 3rd and 4th dimensions. Related to this is the need to rest and sleep for far longer than previously, and a general slowing down.
- Obssessive anxieties about humans being destroyed (by pollution, lack of resources, aliens, technology etc). This is because multi-dimensional consciousness can access all levels of the group mind, including that part which holds the fears and anxieties about the survival of the species. Since the person is often concerned about their own survival, they tend to resonate with this part of the group mind or morphogenetic field.
- An obssessive need to understand what is happening, leading to the mind becoming overactive and the person fearing they are losing it or suffering from "burn-out". Also a fear of going mad and being unable to cope with everyday life in the future. Again, psychologists and doctors seem able to offer very little help.
- Depression for no reason, or related to the crisis state. This is often just the consciousness clearing out old layers of energy that need to be released. It is not necessary to "process" or relive the experience, just allow the body to release the energy. Have patience with the process and know that it will pass.
- Disrupted sleep patterns, often waking up to 3 times a night, or just at about 3am. Again this is just the consciousness adapting to new cycles of activity. Higher consciousness is often more active at night since the lower dimensions are quiet at this time.
- Feeling strange electrical energy waves through the body. The Crystal body is incredibly sensitive, and feels solar and lunar waves, cosmic waves, and energies from the galactic centre. Often these energies are assisting in the process of "rewiring" the body to carry higher energies. Speaking from experience, I know how uncomfortable this can be. But the body eventually acclimates to dealing with these energy waves. You will probably find them to be more intense around Full Moon. The best way I have found of dealing with this phenomenon is to go outside and stand barefoot on the ground and imagine the energy running through your body and into the earth.
- A whole range of physical sensations and experiences, usually related to detoxification. The Crystal body holds no toxins, but allows everything to pass through it. In fact the eventual trick to being Crystal is just to allow everything to pass through and hold onto nothing. The ultimate state of detachment. But at this stage the body needs to release years of "toxic" waste, whether physical, emotional or mental The release is always through the physical body, which presents symptoms such as intense fatigue, muscle and joint pains especially in the hips and knees, headaches, especially at the base of the skull, and neck and shoulder pains.
- Dizziness and "spaciness". This is because you are in "higher" states of consciousness. You need to get used to being at these levels and staying grounded at the same time. These sensations tend to increase with solar flares and full moons as well.
- Increased appetite and putting on weight. This is because the body needs huge amounts of energy to power this process.
- The ability to see beyond the veils. That is, to become aware of spirits, devas,E.Ts and angels as a reality and to communicate with these. This can be very frightening if the person is not accustomed to this kind of other dimensional awareness
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Why we Feel so Tired So Often by Celia Fenn
Many people who are going through the Indigo to Crystal shift find that intense fatigue and tiredness are two of the predominant symptoms of their shift. They feel exhausted all the time, and just want to sleep. And when they do sleep, they sleep deeply and do not want to get up.
So, what is happening, and why do we feel this way.
Archangel Michael explains that there are three different processes that cause the fatigue. These are:
- Emotional Body Clearing
- De-toxification of the Physical and Subtle Bodies
- Full Multi-Dimensional Consciousness
Emotional Body Clearing
At the beginning of the process, we undergo intense emotional body clearing. This involves clearing the psyche and the subconscious of all old patterns of trauma and self-sabotage.The intensity of this process will depend on how much clearing you have already done in your preparation for ascension. I am a healer, and I helped many people to prepare, but never really found the time to fully complete my own process, so when I hit the transition I experienced intense emotional body processing for several months. The stuff just poured out of my subconscious, and I had weird dreams and anxiety attacks as I battled to process the trauma of my inner child.This kind of trauma release is exhausting! Some people don’t fully realise what is happening, as they do most of their releasing through dream work at night. But those who suffer anxiety attacks are often doing this processing during the day.
At this point you may need help to work with letting go of old patterns being held by the Inner Child. This is where you need to really do your Inner Child work. Find a good therapist, do a workshop, or find a good book, but let go of the patterns of your wounded child!
And then understand that while you are doing this clearing you will be exhausted. You have spent most of your life repressing these energies. Processing them is hard work. But worth it! when you are finished you will have cleared your psyche of subconscious patterns of self-sabotage, and will be able to function from a space of complete clarity and purity of intention.
De-Toxification of the Physical and Subtle Bodies
This process of deep cleansing is associated with the processes mentioned above. As the emotions are released, so are all the old mental and physical blocks and patterns that are associated with them.These old "toxic" energies are passed through the subtle bodies and cleared through the physical. In addition, any old toxins that the physical body is holding will be cleared at this time.
This process of cleansing and de-toxification puts considerable strain on the organs of elimination, being the kidneys and the liver. Hence many of you may experience having bags under your eyes, evidence of kidney stress, and digestive disturbances such as heartburn and flatulence, evidence of liver stress. In addition you may experience pains in the joints, which is also a characteristic of detoxification, as excess acids are released from their storage in the body.
In addition, these processes of elimination will also make you feel tired, and you may be prone to headaches - all symptoms of detoxification. That is why you will need to drink lots of clear, clean water and try to eat a healthy diet as far as is possible.
Full Multi-Dimensional Consciousness
This is the most exciting part, and happens throughout the process. It is responsible for the "spaciness" that so many of you are feeling.Archangel Michael asked me to explain this to you in terms of the frequencies of the brain waves. As you enter mutli-dimensional awareness, you expand the range of consciousness that your body can handle and the ways in which it is handled.
The brainwave frequencies are as follows:
- Beta- "normal" waking consciousness
- Alpha - light meditation
- Theta - deep meditation
- Delta - the sleep state or deep hypnosis
- Gamma - rapid eye movement or the deepest state of sleep/hypnosis where operations can be performed without pain
A fifth-dimensional being functions between Beta/Alpha/Theta in the normal waking state.
Your multi-dimensional awarenss allows your consciousness to shift in this range, while you are awake!!! But this is what causes "fatigue". Your body has always recognised Theta as a state of deep relaxation prior to sleep, and so when your brain waves shift to Theta it sends you a message to say that you are tired and about to go to sleep! And so because we are conditioned to respond to that cue with tiredness and sleep, we feel that we need to go and sleep.
A sixth-dimensional being in training for full 9D Christ Consciousness will be learning to move through Delta to Gamma in the normal waking state!! Now your body definitely thinks it’s asleep!! The trick is to learn to move with these states, without panicking or getting "lost" in a dream-like state. Those of us who are doing this work often feel like we are living in a slow-mo dream world, and this is in fact true. We are living in the dream state in our waking consciousness.
This will take a while to master, but once mastered it is the key to immense creativity and the manifestation of "miracles". In this deep state of consciousness we can literally bend and shape time and matter with pure intention. So, understand that your body is learning to adapt to a different range of brain-wave frequencies.
A Note of Caution
Please be careful when in any of the above states that you are aware of the following:- Stay Grounded. Work at keeping in your body. Do not take recreational drugs or smoke dope at this time, it will intefere with the natural expansion of consciousness.
- Distinguish between real tiredness and expanded consciousness. Be kind to yourself. If you feel tired - rest. In fact, you will need significant amounts of rest as you pass through this process. if you try to overdo things you will become hyper and will probably crash into exhaustion anyway.
- Be careful. If you are driving a car, concentrate and focus. So many people are having accidents because they are unaware of what happens when their brain shifts frequencies. It is just a matter of being grounded and concentrating. Tell your body and your guidance that for the duration of the journey you need to be able to concentrate fully on what you are doing.
- Relax - it will pass. Soon you will become used to working with these different frequencies. I have begun to have a lot of fun with the dreamy, spacy state, and I am learning to use the creativity that it engenders. I am also learning how to shift frequencies at will. Yes, we are truly becoming Crystal or Christed.
http://www.starchildglobal.com/
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