Authentic Power
This conversation had to do with the areas in my life that I struggle with such as my relationships with men, and self discipline. I had worked with my spiritual advisor about how I can get out of the cycle of habits that were not in my best interest and she said to pray and ask to be released from these roles that I was acting out. My role in particular is that I always attract the wounded. Somehow I attract men (and women in a platonic manner) in need of healing of some sort and when they have gotten whatever it is they need I am abandoned. This is a painful cycle that I have been conscious of sometime and I have been praying for assistance and working on it all all the ways I know how but so far -no luck. This was the conversation that I had with Quan-Yin about that subject.
ME -I no longer wish to be the receiver of pain in relationship with men and people. I no longer want to play this role, I wish to be released.
QY - They are drawn to you for healing but you accept them because you are merciful. You can never change the compassion and mercy that you feel for human beings, it is who you are. This would be like trying to scrub off or ignore the freckles on your skin. You can however choose to recognize that when these individual enter your life you can choose not to let them harm you in the process of their healing. You can choose the nature of the relationship and its boundaries. Understand that your human body and emotions are simply a "host" for your spirit. They are the tools for the things that you are here to do. You must have that conversation with your body and emotions and say "my spirit is now in control of my body and emotions, anything that is not in your best spiritual interest may not be a part of my life. My spirit knows what is best for my body and emotions, if you will allow it to have the control." This includes the food you eat and the activities that you engage in, the men and women in your life. This is what true authentic power is, this is what it feels like.
At her request I stopped and had that conversation with myself and during this moment I felt this surge of energy rush through me as if a block had been released and I was feeling for the first time what it felt like to connected to a true unselfish sense of divine power. This power is unlike what humans feel power is, it is an energy that makes you feel so very strong and so very positive. This was elevation but not connected to ego, which I have experience before but not quite to this magnitude this was a waterfall as opposed to a small creek. If I weren't grounded to the earths core through my spinal cord I think I might have floated away, I felt that I was 10 feet tall, energy was moving straight up through me in a overwhelming manner.
She said this was my mantra and that anytime I felt weak I was to remind myself of the proclamation that I made to my emotions and my body, that I should practice this every morning when I wake up to remind my body and my emotions. She prompted me -I had the conversation with my higher self-" Higher self, please let this always be so. Do not let me forget that this is my mantra and that if I loose sight of this or forget you will quicky remind me so that I may learn my lessons through love always and not pain. "
This is a deeply personal story and it was difficult for me to share. Its not polite conversation to talk about our own personal demons but I know that she wanted me to share it. There will be someone out there that needs to hear it as much as I did.
Realizing that you are exactly where you should be.
Eager to find out which of the 12 wombs I embodied (although its is my understanding that everyone embodies all of these but this would be my particular strength) I returned to meditation to start asking more questions, though I had a hunch it could be one of several.
Instead the conversation took an interesting turn. I began to ask her questions:
ME - how is that I am so far removed from Buddhism, being raised the the western world and christian. I have had no access to teachers and have had such little contact with it. I've sought human teachers and every attempt to gain understanding physically about Buddhism has not succeeded.
QY- Because you already know everything that you need to know. Why would you go back to school if you have already graduated?. You are born into this world so that you may understand how the universal truths taught in Buddhism can be understood from all religions, cultures, and societies. You can reach people and communicate with others in a more advantageous way since you are one of them in your body, you have more credibility. Just listen to me and journal, I will teach you everything that you need to know. I will give you information and when you need to, you will research like you always do and you will have a greater understanding of what I am teaching you and how it applies to you.
My goodness, never in a million years could I have obtained this knowledge of my own means (I am not this brilliant.) It makes sense- everything I have experienced as a human that has brought me to this point of understanding and had I not endured this particular human existence I would have not become the eager student and healer that I have become.
Eager to find out which of the 12 wombs I embodied (although its is my understanding that everyone embodies all of these but this would be my particular strength) I returned to meditation to start asking more questions, though I had a hunch it could be one of several.
Instead the conversation took an interesting turn. I began to ask her questions:
ME - how is that I am so far removed from Buddhism, being raised the the western world and christian. I have had no access to teachers and have had such little contact with it. I've sought human teachers and every attempt to gain understanding physically about Buddhism has not succeeded.
QY- Because you already know everything that you need to know. Why would you go back to school if you have already graduated?. You are born into this world so that you may understand how the universal truths taught in Buddhism can be understood from all religions, cultures, and societies. You can reach people and communicate with others in a more advantageous way since you are one of them in your body, you have more credibility. Just listen to me and journal, I will teach you everything that you need to know. I will give you information and when you need to, you will research like you always do and you will have a greater understanding of what I am teaching you and how it applies to you.
My goodness, never in a million years could I have obtained this knowledge of my own means (I am not this brilliant.) It makes sense- everything I have experienced as a human that has brought me to this point of understanding and had I not endured this particular human existence I would have not become the eager student and healer that I have become.
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12 Wombs
It came to me to start to document the conversations that I have with my guides, in particular Quan Yin.
7/22 - Not very long ago I was conversing with Quan Yin. She told me that I was not separate from her, but that a part of her resided inside of me, it was one piece of 12. Confused but always accepting I started researching. To my delight and amazement this is what I found:
Among the many saving powers of the Bodhisattva of compassion are the twelve Wombs named in the ancient Dharani Sutra.
These many saving powers were revealed to Buddhist sages and yogis ages ago in their meditation upon this Bodhisattva. Many, many beings need these helping hands, hearts, wombs, faces, and vows of the Bodhisattva of compassion to get across the sea of karma and samsara. That is why they were revealed--for Buddhas and Bodhisattvas do not waste time and energy to no purpose.
So I teach them! for all those--no more, no less--who feel the affinity, the call to learn and practice even one of these saving powers in partnership with the Bodhisattva of compassion. For those who have no affinity, no call, that's fine. :) There are many tracks in Buddhism.
I use the word "Womb" to translate the Chinese word "Zang", which in turn translates the Sanskrit word "Garbha". Both "zang" and "garbha" indeed mean "womb", and also "storehouse", "treasury".
A womb is a creative, protecting, nurturing space. Females have physical wombs which carry their unborn young. Both females and males have spiritual wombs as well, focused in the lower belly, at the place of the 2nd chakra (the Svadhishthana chakra).
But the Wombs of the Bodhisattva of compassion need not be localized. They are great Creative Spaces, Transforming Places. They are indeed Storehouses of inconceivable blessing and help. In them we can grow into Bodhisattvas and Buddhas, as a fetus grows into a baby ready to be born.
The 12 Wombs are:
Fo Shen Zang -- Womb of the Buddha's Body
Guang Ming Zang -- Womb of Bright Light
Ci Bei Zang -- Womb of Compassion
Miao Fa Zang -- Womb of the Wonderful Dharma
Chan Ding Zang -- Womb of Meditative Concentration
Xu Kong Zang -- Womb of Empty Space
Jie Tuo Zang -- Womb of Liberation
Miao Yu Zang -- Womb of Wonderful Speech
Wu Wei Zang -- Womb of Fearlessness
Chang Zhu Zang -- Womb of the Eternally Abiding
Yao Wang Zang -- Womb of the King of Healing
Shen Tong Zang -- Womb of Spiritual Penetration
The information was found on this website, which is no longer in service.
http://groups.msn.com/KuanYinTheWayofMercy/kuanyins12wombs.msnw
It came to me to start to document the conversations that I have with my guides, in particular Quan Yin.
7/22 - Not very long ago I was conversing with Quan Yin. She told me that I was not separate from her, but that a part of her resided inside of me, it was one piece of 12. Confused but always accepting I started researching. To my delight and amazement this is what I found:
Among the many saving powers of the Bodhisattva of compassion are the twelve Wombs named in the ancient Dharani Sutra.
These many saving powers were revealed to Buddhist sages and yogis ages ago in their meditation upon this Bodhisattva. Many, many beings need these helping hands, hearts, wombs, faces, and vows of the Bodhisattva of compassion to get across the sea of karma and samsara. That is why they were revealed--for Buddhas and Bodhisattvas do not waste time and energy to no purpose.
So I teach them! for all those--no more, no less--who feel the affinity, the call to learn and practice even one of these saving powers in partnership with the Bodhisattva of compassion. For those who have no affinity, no call, that's fine. :) There are many tracks in Buddhism.
I use the word "Womb" to translate the Chinese word "Zang", which in turn translates the Sanskrit word "Garbha". Both "zang" and "garbha" indeed mean "womb", and also "storehouse", "treasury".
A womb is a creative, protecting, nurturing space. Females have physical wombs which carry their unborn young. Both females and males have spiritual wombs as well, focused in the lower belly, at the place of the 2nd chakra (the Svadhishthana chakra).
But the Wombs of the Bodhisattva of compassion need not be localized. They are great Creative Spaces, Transforming Places. They are indeed Storehouses of inconceivable blessing and help. In them we can grow into Bodhisattvas and Buddhas, as a fetus grows into a baby ready to be born.
The 12 Wombs are:
Fo Shen Zang -- Womb of the Buddha's Body
Guang Ming Zang -- Womb of Bright Light
Ci Bei Zang -- Womb of Compassion
Miao Fa Zang -- Womb of the Wonderful Dharma
Chan Ding Zang -- Womb of Meditative Concentration
Xu Kong Zang -- Womb of Empty Space
Jie Tuo Zang -- Womb of Liberation
Miao Yu Zang -- Womb of Wonderful Speech
Wu Wei Zang -- Womb of Fearlessness
Chang Zhu Zang -- Womb of the Eternally Abiding
Yao Wang Zang -- Womb of the King of Healing
Shen Tong Zang -- Womb of Spiritual Penetration
The information was found on this website, which is no longer in service.
http://groups.msn.com/KuanYinTheWayofMercy/kuanyins12wombs.msnw
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My background- raised christian. As a child I always questioned the teachings of the churches that I would attend, the doctrine never "sat right" within me. As an teenager I started realizing that I was intuitive, I began to open my mind to other teachings and began learning about spirituality. I became educated and started really question the existence of god. I always wanted to believe in god, not really believing that god was the man in the books I read, but part of me struggled because the idea of god didn't seem to be rational. I could even explain the spiritual world, as being a medium I believed that spirits could exist without a deity. The thing that I could not reconcile is if god didn't exist than how do I explain coincidence & synchronicity. I don't know if I will ever truly answer that question in my life time but interestingly, a series of "lucky" events happened today on 7/7/07 but anyway, here is the story.
I had a premonition yesterday at 6:30 am upon rising (a verbal message because that is how my guides speak to me) that I would see a particular friend (a romantic interest) last night -and I did. That friend contacted me at 8 am and asked me what if I had plans for that evening. For the first time I actually investigated this further by asking my friend at what time did he decide that he wanted to see me and he said - just a few minutes before I spoke to you. Maybe it doesn't seem weird to you but - I should mention we've only been on a few dates so we are not a regular thing and I wasn't anticipating that I would be seeing him that night.
So I got the message about an hour and a half before it happened. So I can explain this in two ways - either the theory of physics that time is not linear is true, we have many lifetimes occurring the the same time, or there is such a thing as predestination. I suppose I could say that because I thought it - that it happened but since that hasn't worked with the 99% of the things I have needed or wanted in my life I don't buy that whole "secret" business. Since I am a not physics kind of girl, let's go with predestination for the sake of argument.
If it was predestined, who was the guide who told me that I would see my friend, and why? And if were destined to see this friend, who decided this and why? And if there is predestination -doesn't it seem that there must be a higher power that orchestrates the events that unfold in our lives?
I am not sure why I never questioned this before. I guess if you believe that all of your lifetimes are happening simultaneously than one could argue that I am my own guide from another lifetime, telling myself these things but then I would have to also explain how I know how to talk to myself in another lifetime but I don't know how to do that in this one. Interesting.
Something to think about and I wonder how I never thought about it before. Questions, comments, thoughts welcomed.
I had a premonition yesterday at 6:30 am upon rising (a verbal message because that is how my guides speak to me) that I would see a particular friend (a romantic interest) last night -and I did. That friend contacted me at 8 am and asked me what if I had plans for that evening. For the first time I actually investigated this further by asking my friend at what time did he decide that he wanted to see me and he said - just a few minutes before I spoke to you. Maybe it doesn't seem weird to you but - I should mention we've only been on a few dates so we are not a regular thing and I wasn't anticipating that I would be seeing him that night.
So I got the message about an hour and a half before it happened. So I can explain this in two ways - either the theory of physics that time is not linear is true, we have many lifetimes occurring the the same time, or there is such a thing as predestination. I suppose I could say that because I thought it - that it happened but since that hasn't worked with the 99% of the things I have needed or wanted in my life I don't buy that whole "secret" business. Since I am a not physics kind of girl, let's go with predestination for the sake of argument.
If it was predestined, who was the guide who told me that I would see my friend, and why? And if were destined to see this friend, who decided this and why? And if there is predestination -doesn't it seem that there must be a higher power that orchestrates the events that unfold in our lives?
I am not sure why I never questioned this before. I guess if you believe that all of your lifetimes are happening simultaneously than one could argue that I am my own guide from another lifetime, telling myself these things but then I would have to also explain how I know how to talk to myself in another lifetime but I don't know how to do that in this one. Interesting.
Something to think about and I wonder how I never thought about it before. Questions, comments, thoughts welcomed.
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The leaves are starting to turn, the days shrinking and the light cloudier. Today I've been in such a funk, I felt like buoy in the throws of a storm. Sure hormonal changes are to blame, maybe. I think they just magnify what is really going on. What's going on is I moved and it's not better, the sadness followed me here at least for now. It was better for a little while, while I was busy, while I couldn't think because I was exhausted, while I had too much to do. But now sorrow my old friend is back to pay me a most unwelcomed visit.
My daughter is not adjusting well, she's a tough one to handle on a good day, now she is as despondent is they come. I've ruined her life, moving her away from her friends, so she thinks. I wish I could show her what is to come, what will be good about this but experience is not a thing to be explained. In the mean time she is making my life hell too - I guess we both get to be miserable still, but just for different reasons. Everyday is now a battle field in which I have no reprive except when she is gone, how I wish it weren't this way. No matter how hard I try it always ends up the same way - we are mad at each other. Because at the end of the day she is still a sloppy pain in my ass teenager and I have to be the disciplinarian. I wish I had some help. Help someone please help me.
When I lost my job at the end of May it felt like cutting off a tumor, it was relief - even though I knew it would hurt. One would think an unemployed person wouldn't have much to do but quite the contrary, I have plenty to do - just no boss or paycheck to make me do it. Here is where the self loathing comes in. I should be taking advantage of this gift of time off and enjoy my life and instead some days I am just sad and empty at times. Unmotivated, depressed or maybe not, really just - feeling blah. I think there is a difference between depression and feeling blah right? Blah wears off. I hope it's just blah. I have no health care in which to treat the "d" word.
What I need is a breeze of inspiration to breathe some life into my tired, aching, loveless soul. I need my love banks refilled, I need some joy and fun. I need friendships and community and most of all the motivation and courage to go and find it. I hope that the next time that I have something to write in this blog it's good news.
My daughter is not adjusting well, she's a tough one to handle on a good day, now she is as despondent is they come. I've ruined her life, moving her away from her friends, so she thinks. I wish I could show her what is to come, what will be good about this but experience is not a thing to be explained. In the mean time she is making my life hell too - I guess we both get to be miserable still, but just for different reasons. Everyday is now a battle field in which I have no reprive except when she is gone, how I wish it weren't this way. No matter how hard I try it always ends up the same way - we are mad at each other. Because at the end of the day she is still a sloppy pain in my ass teenager and I have to be the disciplinarian. I wish I had some help. Help someone please help me.
When I lost my job at the end of May it felt like cutting off a tumor, it was relief - even though I knew it would hurt. One would think an unemployed person wouldn't have much to do but quite the contrary, I have plenty to do - just no boss or paycheck to make me do it. Here is where the self loathing comes in. I should be taking advantage of this gift of time off and enjoy my life and instead some days I am just sad and empty at times. Unmotivated, depressed or maybe not, really just - feeling blah. I think there is a difference between depression and feeling blah right? Blah wears off. I hope it's just blah. I have no health care in which to treat the "d" word.
What I need is a breeze of inspiration to breathe some life into my tired, aching, loveless soul. I need my love banks refilled, I need some joy and fun. I need friendships and community and most of all the motivation and courage to go and find it. I hope that the next time that I have something to write in this blog it's good news.
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